Confused while confessing!

Feelings embed in a world of words to become thoughts sometimes. At least for me. These feelings are about a world around me. These thoughts are the gateways for the world to enter ME. This world interrupts into the space within me through my thoughts. I wonder whether I have an antenna tapping out information as signals through my eardrum, right on an unknown side of my head. I am sitting here comfortably observing my thoughts. What I wish I could cuss on are just memories of my past or desires of my future. Understand this thing. My desire to become rich or attain some goal in future is only a speculation. The future is unseen. It may or may not be like I think. It is my own experience that nature does not repeat itself maybe… By concentrating on my future I might be spending my time on something which might not happen. Neither my past nor my future is alive. The alive entity is ME. I am alive here. But my thoughts are not about here and now. My thoughts do not coincide with my existence. Thoughts are dragging me to think what can happen. I don’t know where I am trapped. Maybe deep inside a body which might or might not cheat me. Maybe with an air bubble surrounding me never letting go where I started everything from. The only alive entity called ME! Jailed within me.

Transformation!

Wondering where did those days go....
those days of no worries...no tension to meet commitments..
those days of innocence...purity and clarity in thoughts..

Time when we knew nothing of cheating and cunning of world!
Simple trust and love made our world..
A smile brightened the day...a scolding was the only thing which could darkened our own small world...

True,the world surrounding us then was small...not much exposed to the fast life or to the demanding situations like today's.

when small wishes were our great expectations....small things bought a big smile :)
silly simple things were our big wishes...:)


Time travels very fast...
I was really shocked to realize I have come long way from those small world fantasies..
where did all those dreams go?
I didn't realize those little wants being replaced by big ambitions and me being in this rat race of world...

I cant back off now....whether I have potential or not...I have to complete this race of life..successfully...I can...that's the mantra!

The boy who wanted simple things still resides somewhere in my heart...
Time has caused this evolution...yet like old habits die hard...old dreams doesn't wither soon..
It will be there always...always...like something to hang on to...to remember those days when sun shone brighter....

Longing for those childhood days, to live through once more..

Just mistakes

What would it be like
If I was still me
And You were still You
And I and You
Were still us?

Would the skies be bluer?
Would the hills be greener?
As they were
When I and You were together?

When we weaved lovely dreams
Lived fantasies like they were real
Held hands
Like we'd never let go...

Promises promises...
All's lost
Past

We were just mistakes
Each others...

You mine and me Yours.

Mount of faith!

I feel so infected.
A prism of dark and white,
I revive all my thoughts inside it,
So that the reflection on the white,
would seem black,
And the reflection of the black,
would seem all so white!

I peeped out through the corner of my door,
At ugly breaks of every ten seconds,
But the light reminds me of the burns,
I stare at my hand,
I try to imagine the patch to be dainty.
Nevertheless I rejoice in my skill of seeing the unknown!
i slam the door behind me..
i stay inside,
staring at the checkered roof
i realize that am jailed from all corners!
Black and white checkers on the wall...!

The acquainted alphabets of the yesterdays,
Belong to the tomorrows,
I feel dumb,
Without being deaf.
I can hear,
But I don’t speak anymore.

I shut my eyes,
And then I feel life hitting on my skull with an iron hammer,
I couch myself inside a blanket,
To never come out!
I rot there.

Give me a chance to climb the mount of faith,
Once again!

I am Spirit

I overstand
Means I see more than you see
I have reached my highest state
Wait for the gatekeeper to open the gate
Your time may come
Before your last breath is done
I have moved beyond this realm
I am a spirit floating through hell
Master and commander of my own destiny
Look in the mirror and admit it
You just can't see me
I am Ellison's invisible man
And while that may not have been the plan
I embrace my metamorphosis
Seven years of bad luck less the one where I am unseen leaves six
Change shall come
Revolution shall come
We shall all see Zion
Through the eyes of our great grandchildren
I no longer seek utopia in this world
It exists only when I close my eyes
And, for a moment, the voices are silent
I do not resent them
They keep me company
Often seeing what I don't see
Let it be and imagine all the people
Crawling over each other
When heaven runs out of space
Give thanks to the ancestors
And contact grace
I'm told that's what we do before we eat
I don't eat meat anymore
I'm told it's fashionable
And I will live longer
But what if I want to leave
And am terrified of suicide
Hahahahahahahahahaha

Isn't a butterfly just a caterpillar with a new suit?

my bones crack
under the weight
of my thoughts
my back twists unnaturally
crying silently

i feel like a butterfly
eternally trapped in its cocoon
with only the wind's singing for company
the voices in my head have taken extended leavec
multiple moments in silence
have started to scare me
i never realized
how much i need internal company
and now I'm alone

indefinable
inconsolable
caught in a self-fulfilling bubble
no matter how high we rise
i go lower and lower

i have decided that
in my next life
i shall be nothing

Alphanumeric

Poetically inclined
Mathematically defined
Word plus word equals truth

X is the unknown

Inquisitive minds diminish with growth
The teenage years are humorless
The adult years are colorless

Word times word divided by truth equals life

We are stuck on a leaking raft miles
From sanity's shore
Kicking at shark fins with our bare feet

Word minus word is a vacuum where thought floats freely
Its randomness is just that
Random

We infrequently dance in tandem
Most of the time we stumble in opposite directions in search of the same rhythm

The square root of word is infinity
A times word plus b times word equals x is the unknown consequence of truth
Childlike reflection of laughter

In the beginning of the word
And on our death beds
The last breath shall be in word

The Dark Side of Human Beings

We are born under the light of heaven, where evils cannot penetrate our innocent souls. However, as we walk the the Earth, we begin to pollute ourselves with sinful and vehement acts. We turn selfish; we develop greed and lust; we kill; we rape; we torture. We loss ourselves in the midst of acquiring power and money. It totally blinded our eyes and souls.
And we walk without visual assistance only to be guided by our own emotions; constantly unstable and vulnerable to evil temptations. Everyday, we seek more power and money. The next day, next week or next year, it goes the same.
Power.
Money.
We could never grow tired of looking for more, even if it requires sacrifices, we willingly offer them regardless of whatever the conditions would be.
It never suffice.
It never will.
The souls are tainted. The once white cloth, has turned into the ugliest color, that not even light can pierce through the small little fabric. It devours it completely leaving no trace of existence.
Black.
The color of damnation.
The color of death.
The color of despair.
Our souls are tainted but there could still be hope for humanity.
No man has ever escape the temptations of devil. ''

I closed my eyes tight shut and had this little conversation...

Is any body in there?

Yes, what are you looking for?

I am just looking for some light here...

Why do you want to spot light in the darkness?

And why did you come here, at the first place?

I don't know. I was just trying to see what's here...And I only see darkness.

Do you really see darkness?

Yes, I do! I think.

Then, simply enjoy this moment while you are living in the dark.

Am I living in the dark?

Of course yes! Don't you hear we are talking.

Yes indeed. But I have been elsewhere for about few years...

Oh yes. You still are there, but just that a little self-guided now.

Light often misguides, but darkness surely gives your gut and instinct a chance.

The Earth is perhaps the biggest Black-hole, where you can still see that you are completely lost.

Let there be dark. Now.

I could be...

                                         I could be a dragonfly
                                      Floating in the crystal air
                           Drying the last drops of the morning dew
                              Off my wings in the groggy sunshine

                                           I could be a leaf
                                    Free falling on to the river
                           Making small talk with the reeds before
             Mingling with the ocean waves and breaking on your shores

                                       I could be a poet that
                                      Writes in the darkness
                                        With eyes shut tight
                                  On the inside of his eyelids

                                                    Or,

                                     I could be the breath that
                                    You catch between words
                               The “comma” in your sentences
                                  An unnoticed “alpa viraam”...

                                                For you,
                                               I could be
                                               Anything.

true!!! huh>>?? am not sure.....

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of Armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love

Desire

Desire is hiding within a blank page,
near a mugger’s knife,
or a bowl of flowers.
Near the green shaded valleys of the unknown,
or the struggling alleys of the dark.

I traded my desire for love,
and got shot dead by a tiger posing as a butterfly.

Death of the Handwritten Letter

                                          Like blood trickling
                                          From an open wound
                                          The ink once determined
                                          Its journey through the nib

                                          Onto the paper.
                                          Forming words.
                                          Beautiful. Poignant.
                                          Each curve; dot; dash
                                          Every unnecessary linger
                                          Of the pen on the paper
                                          Betraying bits and pieces
                                          Of the writer’s secrets...
                                          It withers away now.

                                          Those insinuations.
                                          Near poetic allusions.
                                          Loving salutations,

                                          Made sweeter
                                          With dabs of perfume
                                          Kissed, with the hope
                                          That the ink would magically
                                          Invoke images…

                                          Forgotten.
                                          Unthought of for ages.
                                          Almost pristine
                                          Like life stealthily taken away
                                          At its prime.


                                          It’s over.
                                          All that is left is a blinking cursor
                                          A white screen
                                          And an unfeeling keyboard.

Lost words lack destination

Lost thoughts resurface
Lead us to old truths
Create ripples in today's reality
The past is no longer what it used to be
The future is a place of fear
Where madmen roam beyond their politics
Dreams and ambitions are not the same
It is the ambitious who weave their darkness into the fabric of this world and the next
The dreamers are content to exist in isolation traveling between the 4th and 5th dimensions
But never the first
There is a fine line between poetry and sermons
Although poetry seeks no worshipers
The words mean the same
It is the speaker that brings down the walls of insanity and defines their truth
These words have no destination
They meander through the tentacles of life seeking the words that have come before
And have long since faded into the libraries of time

Fading in the shade

Curves, Curls, Twists and Swirls
Of life...
Dewdrops fade as sunlight fills this valley.
Such heat-withered grass,
Rising and falling,
merging and then rising again majestically.
The Sand dunes are beautiful too,
lying abreast to the greenland.
A dry leaf,
Fresh, sharp, thin, kissed by a dew drop at the tip
They drop on earth at last..
as
dreams and reality merge, in the unbound realm of hearts.

Dark

It's 2 AM
I stay wide awake,
there are blinking lights in the dark.
I blink my eyes more.
Leaves me wondering whether the pace matches.
There is a bee's animated dance in my mind.
I thrash it into pulp to shut the hum in my ears.
Blood crawls out through my ears.
I wonder why?
I touch on my ears.
I can feel the sloshy liquid on my fingers,
But cannot see the wild red.

Blinking lights in the dark.
My eyes shutter repeatedly.
up and down.
Up and down.

I fix my sight into the air,
my eyes roll around.
Blank goes my thin memory

I can see shadows on the wall.
They are ghosts of my past.
They trail into my memory chip,
I magically try to block them away.

Sweat beads tremble on my forehead!
While i hear someone scream,
"Mad mind"!

Lettin Go

It's a miracle how people can let go of things they fond of - be it a relationship or things they really treasure. How life can be so ironic when they actually fell in love at first sight; and tomorrow it turns sour.
What could be the catalyst?
What is the reason behind the shift of events?
Nobody actually knows.
There could be millions of reasons behind a single event. Perhaps, it just happens to be a coincidence. Perhaps, it is the nature of human being. Or perhaps, it is fate.
The illogical sense of humanity just do not fit in the picture anymore.
What the reality brings is not about the truth but the feelings. "Within a soul, what matters is how you feel for them and not how they feel for you." As much as we are denying this fact, it slowly finds it way into the 'truth' for humanity. Contradicting but to be exact, it just happens.
People always say that, "Life is about letting go." But what is there to let go, when you already let go in the first place. There is no meaning to the phrase. If it is that easy to let go, then you can see how meaningless it could be. In fact, letting go is the hardest things in life. No matter how much I hold back, tears will always be there.

grammatical error

i was born a metaphor
incomplete, not quite whole
like august wind
like summer's heat
like a crooked street
like a butterfly in heat
like a heart off-beat
like a dream unlived
like lessons unlearned

i was born incomplete
like a metaphor without an end
like a random thought
like an error disrupted
like - like - like - like

i exist on the edge of a razor
standing on the outside
speechless, depleted
silently evicted

i hide myself behind cracked mirrors
my laughter echoes like a desert winds
undressing the trees
and stroking their limbs

I thirst like a hole in the ground
beyond the earth's crust is lava
crystals of unformed diamond
the grime of a dying planet
drains me of bodily fluids

i worship at the feet of druids
and priests and new age do-gooders with flowers in their hair
equal opportunity generation
misguided ancients
i am a manifestation of their nightmares
built on fading dreams

i am like a metaphor soon to be complete .........

Lost soul

Third eye blurred, in need of spectacles
alien sights ignite soul fires
burn lost souls living white collar realities
and sweat leaves salt residues on forked tongues

we lie to mirrored reflections
and hope that the equivocation of three witches
is justification enough for blindness

our grandfathers never died of stress
they built hills when mountains were impossible
and found peace
they fought not with your education and knowledge
but with the beating of their hearts
and the memories of their fathers and mothers

our grandmothers never blindly opened their legs
to build castles in the sand
they molded family with love
and a strength that came from a bloodline fertilized with hope

your spirit was not carved out of concrete
but from the sands that your ancestors inhaled
the dream is an illusion
wake up and it shall become real
the dream is not a dream
so quit dreaming of dreams about fulfilling dreams
and live

a man once told me that life is what you make it
but failed to define the essence of making it
so we run in circles
and call the end the beginning
when we return to where we begun

city of lost souls is the place we call home
when home is where the heart paints reality in the sand
and identity is who you were as a child

i write words to be heard by my spirit
because i hear clearest when the page reflects my sadness
and turns it into happiness

i am we
an ordinary man
dreaming reality

All I have are words. All I can share with you is these words. Find your meaning. Digest and decide whether these words have relevance.

Beep!! Beep!! Beep!! Beep!!.........."Please try your connection again"

The Stars used to dance like they had scarecrow legs, now they just stand against a stone wall motionless, like Women in high heels who complain their feet hurt. The sound of Her cute little Girl voice used to sparkle in his sky, like the 4th of July, now it just echoes between his ears, silent, like sign language kids. But far from a little Girl, She always kept his stick in high gear. Her grown Woman curves were perfectly perfect for his lust for speed, so he couldn't resist pushing Her limits. Heavy on the gas, the thrill of Her Pleasure was addictive. He became a junky for Her crack, and forced to go cold turkey only made him more of a junky with no real chance of rehab, desperately feigning for Her, like straight men willing to gender bend just to get a hit. It would take Rome in reverse to de-construct his desire for Her. She's the blueprint and bricks for the construction of his paradise. But in a cold hole he rests now, isolated from Her life, he sits and wonders what crime he committed. 

And as he glances at his gentle palms he sees no blood on his hands. The glove doesn't fit so he wonders, "What did I do to deserve this sentence of being disconnected?" Disconnected from a connection that made him feel electrically connected. Plump jolly Hearts once marched around his head, like toy soldiers, now they just sit in corners in a slump, like defeated veterans with no pension of attention. It's connection rejection, but how do you reconnect or can you? What are the steps of preparation for this delicious dish if the recipe was never written?

We were

We were young then
Two drifting hearts
In search of a calm
Beyond our twisted sadness

We are born free
The shackles worm their way
Around our wrists and ankles
Each year we take breath

We were young once
But that is drifting slowly
Behind us
Today we wipe the confusion from our eyes
Tiptoe towards guaranteed death
Hope that our actions
Will speak our truth
And guarantee our place in the beyond

We loved once
Each other and life
We awoke each morning with zeal
With enthusiasm for the possibility of another day
Laughter pierced sadness' canvas
And love was the rhythm to which we danced
But that is no more
Though we aren't quite sure
Where the love's gone

We used to dance
Together and alone
Our hearts beating in sync with the bass
Our voices the piano keys that pumped out melody
Now our legs drag and slow us down
Our arms hang limply at our sides
And our hearts beat no more

We were once
And now we are no more
Just bodies slumping through the matrix that resides in our deadened minds

We were
And now we aren't

Human

Pleasure

All I need to do is look at her
And the stirring in my loins
Becomes unbearable

For her I would shave all my hair off
And run down the street naked
She is my kryptonite
My achilles heel
The ultimate weakness
So I have taken to avoiding her

It's not that she is distant
Or unattainable
It's that the image of her in my heart
Is the highest perfection
And I love her too much
To ruin that

So I admire her from afar
And continue to dream

Moonshine

The moon hangs lazily on the horizon
Invisible strings attached to a distant star keep it in place
At the bottom of the deepest craters are puddles
Craters filled with lives to be lived
And, at night, when the world sleeps
I sit on the edges fishing
My soul attached to the hook as bait
Drawing in dreams in multiples
Life is more than a life lived
And I try to accumulate as many as possible
Broken down into pieces of magic
Some fuelled by laughter
Some fuelled by tears
But all the building blocks of my tomorrows

The Return

I am the last word
Resting on the edge of mankind's extinction
Awaiting the last breath

Many words have been spoken
Many breaths taken
And now we are at the end

The waters have risen
To reclaim their space
The goddess has been angered
And her wrath runs free
Through the towns and cities
Through farm land and distant fields

She spews lava
While the god reaches down with tentacles of fire
Melting glaciers and drowning polar bears

They come together in embrace
Their love is death

Control Letdown

dreams are angels

that lift us on their wings
the enactment of distant fantasy
mutates our thoughts
which become the ground we walk on

vision is abstract
the taste of tomorrow
lingers on the tips
of our tongues
the aftertaste of yesterday
can be bitter or sweet
and sometimes neither

the words we speak
are like butterflies flapping
aimlessly in a dry breeze
colourful, pretty
and sometimes useful

my mind wanders
collecting random thoughts
to be spat out by my pen
or, in this case,
fingers gently tapping this keyboard

if i hoard enough ideas
will my future be guaranteed?

one day i shall tell my children
i could've been
or would've have been
had i spent a little less time in my head

my mind wanders .....

If this makes sense, I'm worried

I've started dreaming nightmares with my eyes open
Ghouls crawl out walls
Demons step out floors
Goblins reside in the space between brain and skull
I hear them plotting nightly
Their chattering echoes
And echoes
And echoes

Madness is a state of freedom
It eludes me
Though I welcome it with an open mind
Do with me what you will
Just allow me the ultimate escape
It is said that cocaine numbs the brain
But I feel so alive
Weed makes me sleepy
And alcohol gnaws at my liver
Never my mind
Though that numbs me enough to kneel before shank's porcelain god

Darkness is my constant companion
Even during the day
I close my eyes when I feel alone
It whispers to me
A few more hours and we shall truly be together again
Daytime has too many pressures
Night is for what could have
What could have and
What will be

After every thing I have seen
I am saddened
There is still so much more to see
I do not wish to live that long
The answers, however false, lie in youth
The end looms from 30
Knocks at 40
Rests till 60
I have called the grim reaper
Requested early release
But he says my time is yet to come
Ain't that a *itch
There are many who aren't ready
And they leave before their time
I, who seeks the release of insanity
Must stand in line, await my turn

I am master of my own destiny
Within the rules of others
I have requested my time
And been denied
So I shall build dreams out of dust
Embrace lust
Nibble on life's crust
Make this world mine
Which it has always been